i am trying hard to be as beautiful as you.
the poem as staggering and attractive as my lover's morning eyes.
an addiction. i will no longer be the stoppable soft rainbow.
you will turn the pages of my story even through the brittle bones of death.
that moment of achievement which will last forever, may fall to dust
like my irises, among the blossoming blue sea into which they have been absorbed.
at long last, you, among the most wealthy, reach for my slovenly hand
and pull me to shore, among the jagged rocks where the hyenas hunt,
as my bones dance from my flesh to rejoice their fatality. they
dance themselves to dust, unsalvaged. what of a lover's touch, that sweet
embrace of the caring friend, the one who has opened body, mind and soul,
so that her flesh is the flame to consume me like death itself, who takes longing
from my hand to open its whirlwind upon the waves of freedom? she
will not be my savior. her back entering the glorious light
casts a final shadow over the living joke of all my days.
my sadness is a kite.
my sadness gliding above the field and roofs of abandon.
such height is poison. it is the mirror world of empty images.
from my lips pours a silent river where fish leap
and the roaring factories of gossip hiss into
deafness, rock hard, immutable, stoic, unrepentant, barren.
such is the unfinished man and his silly poems
washed away by whatever time may bring.
Doctori Sadisco was great friends with now legendary Ted Berrigan. One collaboration of his can be found in Jim Carroll's "Living At The Movies," and is called "Cosmopolitan Life," written with Bruce Wolmer and Mr. Carroll. Currently he resides in Milwaukee, WI. His chapbook "NO FEAR" is available from Virgogray Press.